Michigan vs. Michigan State

By: Ken W Paczas

A Michigan State fans asks a Michigan grad, "Doesn't it suck not having a mascot?"
The man replies "It's better than having one that wears a dress."

So it is on, another year of Michigan vs. Michigan State trash talk. However, this time, it’s different. Both 5-0 overall and 1-0 in the conference, the rivals enter this contest unbeaten for the first time since 1999. Usually it’s one down ridden fan base just hoping to beat their rival. This year, both clubs expect their team to win, making the trash talk louder than ever.

A farmer was walking in his fields near Ann Arbor, Michigan and he heard the sound of distant singing. Confused, he tried to follow the sound. It led him to a group of his cattle and surprisingly to the rear end of one little calf. He bent down and lifted the tail so he could hear clearer and it was the University of Michigan Fight Song!

Amazed, the farmer loaded his calf into a trailer and drove into town. He went to see his vet and explained what he had discovered. The vet said "well, bring em out and we'll take a look." So the farmer led the calf out of his trailer and up the vet. The vet bent down, lifted the tail and calmly stood back up. "Sure enough, that is the University of Michigan Fight Song."

The farmer was ecstatic. "Doc! Why aren't you more excited!? This is amazing! Unheard of! We gotta tell people!"

The vet, a third generation Michigan State University grad said, "Hell Bud, I'm a Spartan - I have been listening to assholes sing that song my whole life.

The Spartans come into this game with all the confidence in the world. They are coming off big wins against Wisconsin and Notre Dame, and their defense is ranked in the top 20 nationally. However, they have their hands full this year.

Michigan is second in the nation in total offense (565.0 yards per game), third in rushing (324.4) and ninth in scoring (41.4 points per game). Most of those numbers come courtesy of Robinson, the sophomore quarterback who leads the nation in rushing (181.0 yards per game) and is second in total offense (382.6).
Robinson, who did not attempt a pass and was held to minus-9 yards on three carries in the Wolverines' 26-20 overtime loss at Michigan State last season, is 95 rushing yards from 1,000 this year and 87 away from 2,000 total yards.

How do you keep a Michigan Wolverine out of your yard?
Put up a goal post and paint Roses on the grass beneath it.

Even as powerful as Michigan has looked on offense, their defense has been subpar. On Saturday, Michigan must be prepared to stop a balanced Spartans' offense led by Cousins, who has thrown for 1,132 yards and nine touchdowns this season. The junior threw two interceptions and no touchdowns against the Wolverines in 2009, but rushed seven times for 75 yards. Running backs Edwin Baker and Le'Veon Bell have combined for 1,007 yards and 12 touchdowns this season for the Spartans, who rank fourth in the conference averaging 220.2 rushing yards.

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the Michigan State Spartans?" Four huge men stand up and approach the man. One of them says, "We play football at MSU, you wanna tell that joke to us?" The guy replies, "What? And have to explain it four times?"

So on Saturday, in front of a record crowd of over 113,000 people, these two teams battle for the right to say they are the best in the state. Wolverines vs. Spartans.

Only one of them can have the last laugh.