The Magical Troll

BY KEN W PACZAS

Artie Milliken sat around his house in the summer of 1983. He was Detroit’s #1 sports fan and enthusiastically routed on the home teams. Milliken has been depressed for many months now.

“I mean, this is the City of Champions,” Milliken would say. “The Tigers haven’t won since ’68, the Red Wings since ’55, the Pistons since ’45, and the Lions since ’57. Why can’t I just see a winner?”

All of a sudden a puff of smoke came out and a magical troll came over and gave him the opportunity of a lifetime. For Milliken’s sole, he could be guaranteed a chance at a winner almost every year.

Being the sports fan Milliken is, he quickly agreed and ever since the City of Champions has come alive.

From 1984-1987 the Detroit Tigers ruled the town. This was baseball town and no one could tell you otherwise. Everyone had their scorecards out at the games, keeping score. Grown men would bring their infant daughters to the Corner, just for a glimpse at greatness. Unfortunately, after 1987 the ride was over but that’s where the Pistons took over.

From 1988-1992 the Pistons held the heart and soul of this town. They were a true image of Detroit. Hard working, tough, and a little dirty, the Bad Boys brought home two world championships and was a game 7 away from having three. Like all good runs, it came to the end when Michael Jordan decided to become the greatest athlete of the era and dominate basketball for the next decade.

From 1993-2002 the city came alive with Hockey Town. Even though they only won three championships, the Red Wings dominated hockey for almost a decade. Everyone in the city had a Jersey. Some people liked the Captain; others were huge fans of the grind line. Shanny, Nick, Chelios, all became household names. You might have even found a Federov jersey in the crowd. However, Ken Holland’s refusal to get younger and get hungrier players has made this team a shell of its former self. They have enough talent to win 100 points; they just don’t have a hunger or desire to make it through the playoffs.

From 2003-2007 the city began to go back to “work”. With four straight Eastern Conference Finals and a world championship, the city began to recognize basketball again. Heck, even Mason became a cult hero. The best starting five in basketball gave us a reason to pack the Palace, and yell DETROIT BASKETBALL! But just like most sport teams, they lost their desire and hunger. Gone was the nitty gritty defensive team that won a championship and hello was the 2004 Lakers. All show and no heart.

In 2006 it looked like the Tigers were returning to take back the cities heart, making the World Series and packing the house at CoPa. However, bad general managing has led them to not take full advantage and in stepped the Red Wings.

2008-? The Red Wings look to be back, winning the cup in 2008, going to game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals in 09, and it looks like they are geared back up for another title run this year.

Ever since Artie made this deal, some Detroit sport’s team has always been relevant. We complain that Detroit isn’t a destination for players or talent, but if you compare it to any other city, who else compares to the success we have had over the last 30 years in multiple sports.

Artie Milliken has championship posters all over his house and is smiling gingerly as the Detroit Red Wings knocked off the Blues with an action packed third period.

All of a sudden the troll appears and asks him if he regrets making the deal.

“Not at all,” Milliken explains. “Every memory, the good and the bad, has been enough to make any fan extremely happy. I just have one question, How come the Lions have never won?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,” replies the Troll. “The Lions win, come on man, get real. I may be magic but I’m no miracle worker.”